Sometimes lately I have been feeling down. Really down. Way down. I am finding it difficult to keep positive in the face of adversity and for those that know me and are following this blog, they will know that this is not the usual me. The clocks changing always bring me into believing that I suffer from SAD – it’s the thought of getting up and going to work in the dark and then by the time that the working day is over, its back to the dark again. In a desperate ploy to fight this battle with the winter darkness, I have now invested in a Lumie Bodyclock – which is supposed to wake me up with gentle rising sunlight and help me to fall asleep with a beautiful sunset. As I am also convinced my hideous sleeping pattern is partly due to my constant concern that I won’t hear my alarm if I am asleep on my ‘good’ side – I am hopeful that this will help all round.
So, as the nights get darker they also seem to be getting a hell of a lot colder. Dancing on the spot isn’t even working in these conditions – so I am thinking perhaps I should just hibernate (it could also help in losing weight, surely not eating for months can only a good thing?).
One thing that I have really noticed these past few weeks is how tired I am. Now, I have never been one to sleep a lot – five hours is a good night for me – and yet, I am now getting more sleep, albeit staggered, and feeling more tired than I have ever felt before. I have been trying to work out what is causing the tiredness and lack of general va-va-voom! and can only conclude that it must be down to lip-reading.
Since taking the ‘accessory’ out after finding it longer works following the operation, I have been (1) profoundly deaf in my right ear and partially deaf in my left ear (2) having to rely on shouty people or lip-reading. Now, lip-reading is a full on task anyway but with the addition of being a teacher with between 25-30 voices crying for your attention in a room, it becomes the task of a superhero. I seriously need to achieve a special power to help at times. I am not sure if its the focus, the attempt to hear some form of sound, the need for a volume switch, the frustration of not just being able to hear without saying ‘Pardon..’ or ‘Can you say that again..’ numerous times … it’s never ending.
So this week I have decided that I will do something about this frustration and contact the GP and my new Consultant in hope that they might be able to help me out of the doldrums and back into the festive fun. I am hoping perhaps something to aid my partial deafness left ear, whilst we still wait to hear back results and operation notes – I still do not know why they removed the whole of my ear. I also to seek some advice about the blood that keeps discharging from that ear, as this too is starting to become a concern. The deadline for the original hospital finding my notes is in 10 days time – fingers crossed.
Meantime, I have just purchased a new CD so will be playing that loud, dancing on the spot, singing in a tuneless voice and smiling outwards, whilst inside I sob my heart out.